Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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