I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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