I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
