plz talk dirty to me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
