Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
