tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
