I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
