I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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