Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
