ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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