Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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