Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
