she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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