All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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