You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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