yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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