This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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