I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
