Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
