There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My balls are so social today.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
