I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
