By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
