Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
