So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
