You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
