I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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