alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
