I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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