Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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