If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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