Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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