i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
