Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
