i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
