Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
