So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
