There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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