Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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