Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
