You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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