she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
