At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
