I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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