So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
