I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize