I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
