Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
