ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
