He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
