im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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