Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
