god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
