brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
