You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
