Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
