I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize