Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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