Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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