Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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