I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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