11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
