Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
