are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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