Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish you could order shots online.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
