End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
