if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
