Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
