my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
