I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
