I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
