Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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