reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
