i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
