I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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