So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
