Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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