Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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