I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
