I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
